Tales of Konoha
by KnifeGoesDown
Summary: If Sasuke kept a personal journal, it would be nothing like this.
1. Sai, I

**Notes:** This will basically just be chapters that give a small window into the day to day of Sasuke's life. I plan to make this a series, not sure if people will like this, but it helps pass the time when I'm bored so I'll continue with it.

Sasuke's in the village, the when, how and why's are irrelevant.

**Warnings:** Everyone is out of character. This is deliberate, I want everyone to behave like normal teenagers. Sue me. Just to put it out there, I don't hate Sai, I think as far as characters go, he's very interesting. _**Also, there might be mentions of homosexual relationships here and there. Nothing in too much detail. if you're not keen, best not take a peek at this, wouldn't want to upset anyone. Heh. **_

Sai I

Sai looks like the kind of guy that would suck dick for bus money and then walk home when he's done. There's something about him that always makes the Uchiha think that if he ever saw the other teen in a porno, he wouldn't be surprised. The guy spends way too much of his time reading books about socialising for that to be normal. Add to that his weird relationship with Naruto, then you have a recipe for disaster. Guys who comment on other guys' penises are to be avoided.

Whenever he runs into the pale Shinobi anywhere, he always ensures to make rude comments that will make others uncomfortable around him. He doesn't know why but it has become a habit. So, when he runs into Sai at the flower shop, he doesn't see why he needs to break a long running habit.

"Watch out for this guy, he steals stuff." He says to the blond girl at the till, gesturing toward Sai. The other smiles that odd smile of his, merely ignoring him, as if this has become their way of bonding. Perhaps it has because Sasuke can't help smiling good-naturedly, walking out of the flower shop.

He's not sure why, but Sai irritates him. There's something about a guy who's willing to show off his midriff that unsettles Sasuke. He is firmly of the belief that if guys are going to show off their stomachs, then they should show their chests too. Purely out of principle. There's something fundamentally wrong with showing your stomach if you're male. It's not a rule that anybody else agrees with but he's willing to bribe people into agreeing with him if necessary.

There's something about Sai that strikes him as being innately inane. Perhaps it's the fact that the dobe was better than him, or the fact that, in his opinion, he would never be able to surpass Sakura's intellect but he finds his presence annoying. However, he's mature enough to admit that he judges the other teen harshly because no matter what anybody else says, the teen had been appointed to take his place. And he finds him lacking. Or perhaps he's just jealous because while Sai has no social skills, he has an odd ability to connect with others. While he's not willing to advertise the fact, a part of him envies that.

**TBC**

Review if you like. Don't if you can't be bothered. Do what you want!

By the way, I wrote this rather haphazardly, and didn't edit because I didn't have time so there are undoubtedly a ton of mistakes which should please be ignored.


	2. Kakashi

**Notes: **I don't actually proofread anything for this, so I apologise in advance for all all the things. I'm finally home from Korea so I will probably be adding a crap-ton of nonsense to this.

_**Kakashi:**_

It is dark and the smell of cigarette smoke permeates the entire room. There are pictures on the wall, shots of famous movie stars who had taken the time out their 'difficult' schedules to visit the dive bar, shots of regulars grinning at the unseen person behind the camera and a photograph of the manager of the establishment.

There is a man sat in the corner, a bottle of what appears to be warm sake on the small table in front of him, quietly smoking his cigarette. He is always here, always sat in the same spot, always alone. His gleaming glasses and greying dark hair have become a constant, an unmoving portrait, like the glossy photographs on the walls. Everyday, he sits, drinking the same brand of sake, and everyday for the past three days, Sasuke has stumblesed home drunk before him.

"He's a widower, you know." some drunk woman had once whispered conspiratorially to Sasuke as if he should care.

The bartender, as always, was a short man, short to Sasuke's 6"3' anyway, with bright red hair and a somber face. He always smiled and turned the music down a tiny bit whenever Sasuke came in. The brunet appreciated that, though he would never tell the man that.

Sasuke sat in his usual spot, a comfortable stool closest to the exit and ordered his first drink, a warm sake. He sipped slowly at the beverage, relishing the warm sensation of the liquid sliding down his throat. He tried, and failed, to ignore the sounds coming from the large group sat across from him, attempting instead to focus on the table in front of him in quiet contemplation.

Sasuke was and always would be, if anything, a creature of habit. There was something about spending his formative years fighting off the advances of an elderly snake man that made him appreciate habit. Undoubtedly, returning to Konohagakure had broken what could only be viewed as the habit of a lifetime, and he had quickly found that adjusting wasn't nearly as easy as he would have liked, especially considering that Konohagakure was supposed to be his home.

Spending a long time with people who held nothing but unaffected scorn for him had whittled down his already non-existent social skills to a speck of dust. Now, he continually had to pretend to want to talk about trivial bullshit, about people's lives, lest they start thinking he was a colossal asshole. Apparently, it's important not to appear to be an asshole. Naruto called it 'making an effort', but he truly saw no reason as to why he had to be the one to take on such an undertaking. Why couldn't others 'make an effort' by not expecting him stress about other people's crap? However, the last time he had made such a suggestion to Naruto, he had merely looked at him as if he had grown a second head.

It was exactly this struggle that had driven him to this dive. He wasn't one for bars, but it was during those times when he found himself embroiled in some kind of emotional turmoil that he would retreat to such a place. For the most part nobody bothered him and he was left alone to ponder the direction his life had taken.

Quite often, his thoughts consisted of nothing more than reflecting on his day, but others were filled with hackneyed and quite frankly silly adolescent thoughts that ran along the lines of 'What am I doing with my life?'.

Perhaps he had spent too much time in Oto, because now he found that he struggled to find any further purpose in life. He never voiced these thoughts to Naruto or Sakura, and at times never even acknowledged them to himself because he couldn't very well wallow in self-pity. God knows he had done that far too often, he was an Uchiha damn it, he still had his pride. There had been a cynical side of him that had been willing to acknowledge that adjusting to a new way of life would be damn near impossible. But he had thought of the few people in his life who mattered and thoroughly examined his reasons for wanting to stay. Aside from the obvious reason of being in the home of his ancestors, it hadn't escaped his attention that his former team were a large part of his wanting to stay.

A girl across the room laughed, briefly distracting him from his thought and he looked over, wondering what could possibly be so amusing. The girl winked at him when she noticed him looking, and carried on with her conversation.

"Here again are you?" a voice that could only belong to Kakashi startled him. "that's the third time in a row this week."

"How very observant of you," Sasuke spoke sarcastically, watching as the silver haired man lazily slipped into the seat next to him. "You stalking me now?"

"I forgot that you're a moody drunk." Kakashi said good-naturedly, not the slightest bit phased by the unfriendly tone.

"This is my first drink."

"So? Doesn't change the fact that you seem to be in a shitty mood."

"There any particular reason why you're here? Or are you just here to annoy me?"

"Who says it can't be both? I can have an actual purpose and annoy you all at the same time."

"Wonderful."

"Sometimes a man just needs to drink." Kakashi said with air of finality, but Sasuke knew he was not being completely honest.

"Here, here." the brunet said approvingly anyway, raising his glass to catch the barman's attention.

"So are going to tell me why you're always here, or you just going to keep sulking?" Kakashi asked, taking his drink and eyeing it appreciatively.

"Because the only thing I have to eat in my apartment are bowls of my own tears. And I'm not sulking." Sasuke replied, sipping his drink sulkingly.

"That doesn't actually make any sense."

"Hn."

"I'm surprised your other half let you out to play."

"I'm not sure I like the way you worded that."

"Why? Because it has a ring of truth?"

"No, because you make him sound like my wife."

"That is what I was inferring."

"Screw you."

"Buy me a drink first."

"How's about you finish the one you have before getting ahead of yourself old man?"

"You've really got a mouth on you kid." Kakashi responded, side-eyeing him.

"Pretty sure I learned that skill from you."

"Naruto worries about you," kakashi whispered and Sasuke resists the urge to sigh. He already knew that. Kakashi was aware that he already knew that, and that's why he brought it up. The man always knew exactly what to say to get under his skin. Loathed as he was to admit it, Naruto's opinion mattered to him, and Kakashi knew that better than anyone. There was certainly a time when he had convinced himself that the blond's opinion meant very little to him, and after his departure from the village he had actively sought to disregard everything about Naruto, but he understood now how wrong he had been. He had been very short sighted.

While he had been forced to live in the nightmarish universe without his parents, the world had carried on moving with the seasons and after much reluctance he had been forced to join it. Nevertheless, there had always been something in him screaming for a decision; the village or his revenge? However, being hot headed and impatient, he had wanted to make his decision 'now'- immediately. He had wanted it too much; Sasuke always wanted _everything_ too much. In the end he chose revenge because at the time he had thought there was nothing left for him in Konohagakure and because Naruto had never been his anything, let alone his friend, so where was the choice? In fact, he hadn't really given Naruto much consideration; never for second thought how his leaving would affect him until it was too late for him to go back. He realised now that he had paid too high a price for living too long for that singular, senseless goal.

Now he had to adjust to this new world without his family, and contemplate the implications of all the lives and relationships he had undoubtedly ruined.

"I'm fine, so you can leave if you'd like," Sasuke said, taking another slow sip of his drink.

"I know you're fine, but dinner's on me anyway." Kakashi replied magnanimously, holding his drink up to the light. He would never tell the man, but Kakashi was like the father Sasuke had always wanted. His own had failed him, blinded his admiration of his brother, but Kakashi knew him; truly saw him for what he was but he never cowered from that. That, to Sasuke, was more than any father could ever give. He would never actually tell him, but Kakashi was what had guided him back to the village. Thankfully, once there, he had found many, many more reasons to stay.

"Like literally served on you? Because I'm not so sure I like the sound of that."

"I mean I'm cooking you cretin."

"Didn't know an old man like you was still allowed near stoves." He responded, watching Kakashi stand.

"Well, I've never been known for sticking to the rules."

"Now that I can believe."


	3. Kiba

**Notes:** Wrote what can only be classified as 600 words of dialogue whilst trying to avoid doing work. Because, reasons. Oh, and thank you to my lone reviewer, what a kind and generous soul you are.

**Kiba**

"Dude, your ego is really doing a number on you," the brunet said amiably, taking a large sip of his drink. "Have you thought about just asking?"

"Oh wow, why didn't I think of that?" Sasuke replied sarcastically, wondering why he thought it was a good idea to take advice from an idiot.

"Clearly you're not nearly as smart as I am." Kiba retorted and leaned over, whispering to Sasuke conspiratorially "but seriously, you're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be."

"Right."

"I'm serious, ask him, if he says no then he says no." the teen argued, shrugging as if he thought that should bring the matter to a close.

"That's easy for you to say, you don't have anything riding on this." The Uchiha accused, slowly swirling the amber liquid in his glass.

"Well, seeing as I'm the one he's going to be bitching at about this if it all goes to shit, I'd have to argue that you're wrong there."

"Pretty sure he'll find an excuse to bitch even if I don't say anything."

"I'll drink to that." Kiba said happily, raising his glass in a mock salute.

"You'll drink to anything."

"True!" the brunet laughed, once again sipping from his beer "You guys already act like you're married anyway; you just aren't fucking. Can't be that difficult."

"I'd prefer it if it was the other way around." Sasuke confessed, wondering why he was being so open to someone who could very easily tell his business to everyone if it suited him. Perhaps he had had too much to drink already. Kakashi always accused him of being a lightweight, maybe he was correct.

"Dude, you're oversharing." Kiba protested, his face contorting in mild aversion.

"I'm not the one that brought sex into the equation." The Uchiha replied, shrugging.

"I know man, but still. I'm trying to eat this beer; I don't need that kind of imagery-"

"We're veering off track here." Sasuke interjected "What would I even say to him? How do I bring it up?"

"Just say, '_hey babe, care to fuck_?'" the other teen paused, grinning triumphantly "Simple. Easy. _Classy._"

"That may actually be the dumbest thing you've ever said," Sasuke sighed and slowly took a sip of his drink in exasperation. "How do you even have a girlfriend?"

"I'd like to think that it's my natural charm and movie star good looks." Kiba said smugly, grinning at the Uchiha.

"Uh huh."

"Anyway, as I was saying! Maybe start with, '_I like ya, and I want ya._'"

"That's fucking stupid too. Not to mention it sounds vaguely creepy."

"Vaguely creepy is you in a nutshell dude, I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is that 'vaguely creepy' is not exactly the vibe I'm going for here. I'm trying to get laid."

"Exactly, you're trying to get some tail; do what comes natural to you."

"You're fucking awful at giving at advice, what's wrong with you?"

"Screw you, I'm the best at giving advice, that is why you came to me after all."

"No, it really isn't. Sakura was busy and you're the first person I ran in to. Besides, you only came here because I mentioned the slight possibility of free drinks."

"Irrelevant." The brunet burst out loudly "I'm practically your guru. Your love guru if you will." He continued, wiggling his brows suggestively. Sasuke rolled his eyes. "And you've yet to make good on your offer of free drinks by the way."

"You know what? Shut up and finish your drink. You never know, maybe I might consider paying for your refill." The Uchiha said, lazily tracing a drop of condensation on his glass with his finger. He was beginning to question every single action that had led him to the point in his life where he was willing to ask Kiba for dating advice.

"That is no way to speak to your spiritual guide. And seeing as you want advice on how to romance my friend, you gotta be nicer to me."

"Whatever." Sasuke said with an air of finality, wondering who should be next on his list of people to talk to about his issue because clearly Kiba was insane.

**TBC **

Thanks for taking a peek at this nonsense. Please leave detailed reviews about your favourite dinosaurs.


	4. Sakura

**Notes: **Whoa, someone made it this far in? Well, this is a little more than just dialogue this time. For anyone curious, the chapters are tangentially connected, but I'm not too fussed about them slotting together perfectly and you shouldn't be either. Or maybe you should. Whatever floats your boat.

Also, I think it's worthwhile stating that most everyone is out of character. Although, that should be clear at this point.

To **velociraptorluvr, **you are beautiful. Never change.

**Sakura**

Sasuke absolutely refused to shave.

Sure, his face would be itchy for the rest of the day, but the sharp jolt of pain that shot through his head and spine every time he so much as twitched convinced him he could use a little itchy-ness in his life.

Last night had been a mistake. In fact, he was certain that the whole of his previous day had been a mistake. There were instances in life where one was better served by just not even bothering to leave their bed. Less trouble that way, and fewer hangovers.

He glanced at himself in the mirror above the sink in his shitty bathroom, pleased to note that he only looked marginally as bad as he felt. That was something. And, from what he could recall, he hadn't thrown up last night at any point. He was growing, evolving.

Evolving into what exactly, he couldn't exactly be sure, but that was a thought for another time when it didn't feel like he had a thousand giant toads stomping around in his head.

He slowly, sluggishly showered and slipped into the first semi-clean clothes he could find. Afterwards, he tiredly ran his fingers through his hair, not even bothering to look for his comb, squinting through the open door at the clock on the far wall in his bedroom.

It was already past noon. Great.

If he could get his brain working properly for a minute without vibrating, he would try to figure out what day it was and which engagements he had undoubtedly failed to show up for. He quickly abandoned the exercise, focusing instead on making his way back to bed. He had certainly missed a lot already; a few more missed appointments wouldn't make a difference.

* * *

Perhaps he was dreaming, but he was certain there was a presence hovering over him and what felt like an insect crawling over his left cheek.

He huffed, shifting his head slightly, too lazy to swat the bug from his face and determined to ignore the presence. If it was an assassin, they would be doing him a favour by killing him. After all, you can't feel the thunderous throbbing in your head if you're dead.

"Oi!" a voice whispered sharply, followed by a finger prodding him in the chest. He felt quite tempted to grab the offending appendage and twist it, but thought better of it. Twisting fingers took too much effort, so he remained motionless, eyes still shut.

"Oi idiot, wake up!" the feminine voice said incessantly, a hand fully shaking him in a manner that sent pain shooting to the front of his skull. Damn it.

"Can I, uh, help you?" he croaked, cracking one eye open and noting how his voice sounded like he had taken sandpaper to his throat.

"Lunch?" Sakura asked, raising a pink brow. She was dressed in her usual red number, looming over him, the scent of her shampoo drifting to his nostrils. Her voice echoed in the quiet room, and he couldn't even be bothered to ponder how she had gotten into his apartment.

"I'm not hungry, thanks," he murmured, throwing an arm over his eyes to block out some of the light from his window, fully prepared to go back to sleep, "But help yourself to…whatever's in the fridge. Go nuts." He said generously in a dismissive tone, wondering if it would be too rude if he rolled over and completely ignored her.

"Oh, do you mean the pickles, the ketchup or the beer?" she asked incredulously "No thanks."

"Dibs on the beer." He whispered, groaning when he felt the bed shift slightly to accommodate her weight.

"Actually," she started diplomatically, "you were supposed to meet me for lunch."

Sasuke lifted his arm away from his eyes so he could peek at her face. She certainly did not look pleased.

"Shit. Yeah." He shifted, lifting his body slightly so he was balanced on the back of his forearms "Thing is, something came up." He said, regarding her with a blank look.

"Oh?" she inclined her head slightly in question.

"Yes. So I just…couldn't make it." He was in too much pain to even think up an excuse.

"You do understand that I'm in the room with you, right?" she asked, sounding as if she were speaking to an incredibly daft child.

"Sure." He shrugged, and winced slightly at the resulting pain.

"And you know that I can see you?"

"I figured. I mean, I wouldn't want to assume though." He wasn't sure he was liking where the conversation was going, or the fact that it was even taking place. And damn, why the hell was his face so itchy?

"What were you doing when I came in here, Sasuke?" she asked patiently, but her right eyebrow was twitching slightly which certainly wasn't a great sign.

"I don't know, I was sleeping." He reasoned, hoping that would explain away the entire situation to her, and bring the matter to a close so he could go back to sleep.

He realised his reflexes were slightly dulled when he failed to anticipate, and thusly, block the hard blow to his head.

Undoubtedly, that would do wonders for his aching head.

* * *

The restaurant table was sticky.

He shifted his head so it was his cheek rather than his forehead resting on the table. He narrowly avoided hitting the salt shaker with his chin, a fact he was very glad of; his face couldn't very well be itchy, sticky and covered in salt. That was too much, even for him.

He glanced up at Sakura who appeared to be waiting for him to respond to the question he had just asked that he had failed to hear over the sound of his throbbing head.

"Could…say that again?" he asked, wincing slightly when her face contorted in annoyance.

"Ugh, for heaven's sake Sasuke!"

"I don't really feel like steak," he grumbled, finally lifting his head from the table so he could converse properly with his dining companion. "But seeing as it's your treat" he shrugged facetiously.

"Steak? I didn't- …actually, you know what? Shut up." She shook her head tiredly "How much did you drink last night?"

He wanted to tell her that, judging by the sharp discomfort in his stomach, he probably drank a gallon of centipedes, but he couldn't exactly say that seeing as she said to shut up so he settled for giving her a blank stare.

"You're such a pain," she bemoaned, shaking her head "Eat something, it'll make you feel better."

"Order for me," he said, raising a hand to his head "I'm just going pass out on this table for a few hours."

"Suffer," she said, grinning brightly, standing up "I need to go to the bathroom. You better have finished ordering by the time I get back."

Sasuke sighed and quietly tried to figure out how many muscles he would need to move and thus how much effort it would take to motion the waitress over to his table.

Life could be a dick sometimes.

* * *

"So," Sakura began, pausing to slurp up some noodles "Heard you went on a date with Kiba. How was it, did you get a goodnight kiss?"

"I don't kiss and tell."

She looked very pleased with herself as she asked, "since when?"

"Since I started dating Kiba." He said sarcastically, watching her break apart a boiled egg in her bowl with her pair of chopsticks.

"Shame that," she retorted, a touch of amusement in her voice "Seriously though, why'd you get so wasted? Especially with Kiba of all people. That's really random, I'm pretty sure you sometimes forget that he exists."

"I got bored," he shrugged, not willing to extrapolate further why he went drinking in the first place "And what do you mean? Kiba is good people."

"Wow, the date went that well?" She joked and the Uchiha merely smirked, taking a small cautious bite of his food. "I'm going to be frank with you," she said, placing her eating utensils on the table, and he paused at the sudden shift in her tone "I have a slight inkling as to why you got so drunk."

"Is that so?" he asked, curious "Enlighten me, I don't actually remember much of what happened last night let alone _why_ it happened."

"You were moping over your embarrassing crush," she said easily, taking a sip of her tea and gently placing the cup back on the table "Tell me I'm wrong." She challenged, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said dismissively, taking a sip of his own tea, wondering when the food would magically start to make him feel less like shit like Sakura said it would.

"Don't test me, Sasuke." She warned pleasantly.

"Fine, how did you know?"

"Female intuition." She said, smiling in a manner he found to be rather smug.

"Uh huh." He said skeptically, choosing not to touch on that.

"So, spill."

"Were we really supposed to meet for lunch today?" he asked suspiciously instead of complying with her request.

"Obviously. This discussion about your crush and our meeting for lunch? Pure coincidence."

"Right." He said sarcastically "Why do you even care? Bored already?"

"Whatever do you mean? I just care a lot about what's happening in my friend's life."

"Sure, so it's not that you're interfering because Lee's away and you have nothing better to do?"

"Wait, how did you know?"

"Female intuition," Sasuke answered, smirking at the annoyed look she shot him.

"Stop trying to change the subject," she accused "go on, _spill_."

He sighed and seriously contemplated just lying to get her to leave him alone.

Sometimes, when he was away and bored on long missions, he liked to regale the women brave enough to approach him in bars with tales of his birth to freak them out.

He would tell them he how was born on the hottest day ever recorded in April, and how his mother knew that titbit because she kept a detailed diary of the weather.

He would tell them how his father's eyes had closed for the last time just as his opened wide onto the world. Sometimes, he would tell them, he liked to pretend that he could remember that day, because it would mean he had gotten to meet his father just once.

Nine times out of ten, they believed him, which he thought was a sign of just how well versed he was at lying.

Sakura, however, could always see through him, no matter how convincing the lie, no matter how much detail he gave; meaning there was absolutely no way he could bluff his way out of telling her.

It was annoying really, he thought, because he on the other hand, had a difficult time deciphering when she was lying sometimes. She would turn on a disarming expression, batt her lashes and leave poor souls (such as himself) wondering if she was even capable of lying. She truly was a terrifying woman.

"You know," she said in a saccharine tone "we can either do this the easy way or the hard way." She smiled at him brightly, and he couldn't tell if she was joking or not.

"And what exactly is the hard way?" he asked, giving up on trying to eat his food. Perhaps it was fear, but he was starting to think perhaps he _had_ been drinking centipedes last night.

"That would involve doing things that I don't care to bring up in public," her smile widened "people are eating."

"Fine," he relented "What do you want to know?"

Her smile was hardly what Sasuke would classify as friendly.

**TBC**

Please leave long and carefully worded reviews about cake.


	5. Sai II

**Notes: **I felt I short-changed Sai with how short his appearance was, not to mention the fact that he had no dialogue, so I thought he could make another appearance.

I think it's worth mentioning that the tone of the chapters shifts according to Sasuke's mood. I hope that makes sense.

To **Guest:** I shall take that under advisement.

**Sai II**

When the storm hit, it came like a battering ram; hard, loud and fast. It should have been impossible for so much rain to pour down so quickly in such a short amount of time, but it had.

Staring out of the slightly dusty window, he could see people huddled together under umbrellas, jackets and newspapers (and for one peculiar man, a trash can lid), all rushing to get out of the downpour before they got too wet.

This time the previous year, he recalled that it had been a warm and pleasant day. He remembered because he had spent the day watching shitty day-time television in his underwear. He was glad he had decided to do his training earlier in the morning, because Kakashi would have insisted they continue despite the rain out of sheer spite.

"So, I recently got back from Mist." a face, very pale, paler even than his own, shifted back into his line of vision, small droplets of water still clinging to the white cheeks. "You ever been to Mist?"

"Sure." He responded shortly, rubbing his thumb over the brim of his cup.

"Really?" the other asked him sceptically, raising an inky brow.

Outside, the storm raged on relentlessly, uncaring for the poor bastards caught in it.

"Oh yeah," he replied, taking a sip from his cup "it's _all_ I ever do." He sighed, wondering how his tea was already lukewarm.

"No need to be like that, I'm trying to make conversation," Sai said passively "you're the one who invited me here."

Dotted around the walls of the small establishment were paintings of different beverages, and every one of them looked as if they had been painted by a small child.

Usually, the place was deathly quiet, due largely to the fact that the tea was horrendous. The drab décor and seemingly endless supply of dust scattered on every surface didn't help matters. It was a wonder the place was still open.

Today though, the place was awash with noise from the people desperately seeking shelter from the storm; desperate enough in fact, they were willing to risk entering the establishment. Clusters of people were hustling onto tables, loudly bemoaning that it was colder inside than it was outside.

Sasuke wholeheartedly agreed, which was why he found his companion's choice of attire and exposed stomach oddly disturbing.

"True," he finally responded, breaking from his own meandering thoughts "but I didn't invite you here for idle chitchat or so we could be _pals_."

"You're pretty rude, anyone ever tell you that?" the pale teen asked politely, smiling in that odd way he always did when he was speaking to Sasuke.

"It's all I ever hear these days." The Uchiha said acerbically.

"I can't even tell when you're being sarcastic anymore."

"Honestly, neither can I."

"You know I have other things to do, right?" Sai asked, Sasuke was almost certain he was starting to get irritated by the whole conversation.

"One_ would_ hope, but I wouldn't know." The Uchiha sarcastically responded.

"Just- what do you want?"

"I need advice."

"So you came to _me_?" he snickered at the absurdity "God, you must be really desperate."

"I am. Kakashi isn't really speaking to me at the moment."

"Honestly, I wouldn't either if I were him." The other teen said easily, taking a long sip from his own no doubt lukewarm tea.

"Wait, what? What did he tell you?" Sasuke asked suspiciously, realising without any irony that he didn't like the idea of Kakashi and Sai discussing when he wasn't there.

"That you went out and got drunk with Kiba and threw up in his all over his sofa." The dark-haired teen informed him, trying and failing to hide his amusement "Of course he told me, he told everyone."

"Damn it." mumbled, not only annoyed that he had, in fact actually thrown up, but that apparently Kakashi had felt the need to tell Sai of all people. He _had_ been wondering why the older man had been so short with him earlier during their training, but he had concluded that it had been because he had arrived late.

"You need to learn how to hold your liquor." Sai said smugly, shifting slightly in the extremely uncomfortable seats.

"Look, that isn't what I asked you here for."

"Well yes, I figured." He countered without skipping a beat, grinning slightly.

"Shut up. Let me finish."

"Oh please, do go on. I'm on tenterhooks." He said in a tone that suggested he didn't care what Sasuke had to say, and that he had only showed up to irritate the other teen.

"_Boy_, you are an asshole." Sasuke said, amused "I can see why Naruto likes you."

"Thank you."

"I.." he paused and cleared his throat, trying to remember how important it was to remain calm and polite when seeking advice from others. "Actually, I need to ask you a personal question."

"Oh, really?" Sai quirked a brow in question, no doubt trying to imagine what kind of question he could possibly need to ask that would warrant a meeting in such a drab place.

"Yes, really," Sasuke responded, picking up a sugar packet from the glass container on their shared table and ripping the top left corner to open it. He wondered, briefly, what their meeting would look like to an outside observer. Would people assume it was date?

With their figures huddled in the corner on a small intimate table away from everyone else, his fiddling with his sugar packet nervously, struggling to make conservation; he wouldn't blame anyone for coming to that conclusion. However, he certainly hoped they wouldn't. He unceremoniously dumped all the sugar from the packet into his tea and placed the empty packet on the table.

"So," he continued, folding his hands and placing them on the cold wooden table, finally asking "how did you get Sakura to stop bugging you that time when she thought you had a crush on someone?"

"_That's_ your personal question?" Sai asked, looking at him in a manner that suggested he thought he was being ridiculous.

"Well," Sasuke countered, regarding the other with a blank look "It's personal in that it involves you as a person."

"That might be stretching the definition of the word 'personal'."

"Perhaps, but you should answer anyway." Sasuke said, distinctly unconcerned about whether Sai would classify his question as personal or not.

"What's in it for me?" he asked slyly, smiling at Sasuke smugly "Why should I tell you?"

"You're a prick, you know that?" the Uchiha said without any heat.

"Shall I remind you about our encounter at the flower shop not too long ago?" the paler teen asked smugly, looking for all the world like the cat that caught the canary.

"Come _on_," Sasuke defended "A joke isn't a joke unless it's at somebody's expense."

"We can talk about that later, right now, we're negotiating terms."

Sasuke wondered, looking at the lilac painted wall just to left of Sai's head, why exactly he was surrounded by sadists.

"What do you want?" he finally asked, shifting his gaze back to the other teen. He silently bemoaned the fact that Sai had carefully schooled his features to a deliberate blank expression so he had no idea what the other was thinking.

"Nothing much," the impossibly pale teen said in a neutral tone "simply tell me who she thinks you have a crush on."

"You play dirty." Sasuke accused, imagining the other teen simply wanted to know so he would have something to blackmail him with at some later date.

"It's all I ever hear these days." He supplied easily, directing Sasuke's earlier words back at him "Do we have a deal?"

Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest, silently weighing his options as Sai went back to nursing his rapidly cooling drink. He thought back to how exactly their last encounter (or most of their encounters really) went down, and found that he highly doubted the teen would keep any information he learned to himself.

Not only that, a part of him, purely on principle, was strongly opposed to discussions of 'crushes' or 'who likes who' as they were by and large extremely juvenile. However, he was really starting to get tired of Sakura nagging him on the topic, and he found he was quite willing to negotiate terms with Sai if it meant getting her to leave him alone about the subject.

"I'll tell you what," he began, uncrossing his arms in a bid to appear less hostile than he felt "I'll let you have three guesses as who you think it might be and if after the third one you haven't got it, you have to answer my question."

The other watched him under hooded eyes, no doubt carefully trying to decipher if there was any trickery to his proposal. The Uchiha merely smirked at him, taking a deliberate sip of his tea and immediately regretting the action. It was cold and sickly sweet to boot. Damn.

"Well, I suppose that could be interesting," Sai responded belatedly, and Sasuke noted an odd that the teen couldn't quite keep from reaching his eyes "Alright, then."

"Alright." The Uchiha intoned.

Sai was right, this would be interesting.

**TBC**

Starting to feel slightly odd about writing end notes; sort of like the person on the train who holds entire conversations by themselves...


End file.
